please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
