matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
