Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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