Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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