Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Soap is not a condiment
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Bring me that man meat
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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