she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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