he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
