I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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