you didnt know i had herpes?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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