I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
