a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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