apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
