evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
