Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
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I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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