Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
