Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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