you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
