Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
