I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
