So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
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The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
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At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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