see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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