If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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