gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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