Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
