Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
