I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
