I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
