I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
