It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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