He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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