hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
