what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
