is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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