Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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