thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
