I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
