I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
