He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
