brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
