forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
