I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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