there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i drank out of a bidet.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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