i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
