So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
