You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
