I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
