He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
