At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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