WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
its liver damage thursday
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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