Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
