you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I will be naked everywhere
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
