Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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