Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
