Dude my mom stole all your condoms
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
