we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize