Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
