Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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