I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
