Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
