He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
