Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
