Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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