I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
