I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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