my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
