I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize
