she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
