Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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