remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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