Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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