Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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