you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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