lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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