She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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