I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
